Attachment Styles in Relationships: What They Are and How They Affect Us

In the field of psychology, attachment theory and attachment styles have become increasingly popular as a way to understand how our early experiences with caregivers influence our adult relationships. Our attachment style, which is formed in childhood, can impact how we perceive and respond to intimacy, trust, and emotional connection in romantic relationships.

So what are attachment styles, and how do they affect us in our relationships?

Attachment Styles: The Basics

Attachment theory suggests that early relationships with our caregivers create a blueprint for how we approach and respond to close relationships in our adult lives. This blueprint is called our attachment style.

There are four main attachment styles:

1.Secure attachment: People with secure attachment styles tend to feel comfortable with emotional closeness and are able to trust their partners. They often have positive views of themselves and their partners, and are able to communicate effectively about their needs and feelings.

2. Anxious-preoccupied attachment: People with anxious-preoccupied attachment styles may feel a sense of insecurity and worry about their relationships. They often fear rejection and abandonment and may have a tendency to cling to their partners. They may struggle with trust and communication, and may have a negative view of themselves.

3. Avoidant-dismissive attachment: People with avoidant-dismissive attachment styles may prioritize independence and self-sufficiency over emotional closeness. They may have difficulty expressing their feelings and may avoid emotional vulnerability. They may also have a negative view of their partners and themselves.

4. Fearful-avoidant attachment: People with fearful-avoidant attachment styles may have conflicting desires for both emotional closeness and independence. They may fear rejection and abandonment, but also fear getting too close to their partners. They may struggle with trust and communication, and may have negative views of themselves and their partners.

How Attachment Styles Affect Relationships

Attachment styles can have a significant impact on how we approach and experience romantic relationships. Here are some ways in which each attachment style might manifest in a relationship:

1. Secure attachment: People with secure attachment styles tend to have healthy, fulfilling relationships. They are able to trust their partners and communicate effectively, which allows them to build strong emotional connections. They are also more likely to seek out partners who are also secure, which can create a positive cycle of emotional support and intimacy.

2. Anxious-preoccupied attachment: People with anxious-preoccupied attachment styles may struggle with trust and communication in their relationships. They may feel insecure and worry about their partners leaving them, which can lead to clinginess and controlling behaviors. This can create a cycle of emotional turbulence and conflict in their relationships.

3. Avoidant-dismissive attachment: People with avoidant-dismissive attachment styles may have difficulty forming emotional connections with their partners. They may avoid vulnerability and struggle with expressing their feelings, which can create emotional distance in their relationships. They may also be prone to dismissing their partners’ emotions and needs, which can lead to conflict and dissatisfaction.

4. Fearful-avoidant attachment: People with fearful-avoidant attachment styles may struggle with both emotional closeness and independence in their relationships. They may vacillate between seeking out emotional connection and pushing their partners away, which can create confusion and conflict. They may also struggle with trust and communication, which can further undermine their relationships.

How to Recognize and Work with Your Attachment Style

Recognizing your attachment style can be a valuable first step in understanding how it may be affecting your relationships. Here are some tips for recognizing and working with your attachment style:

1. Reflect on your relationship patterns: Consider your past and current relationships. Do you tend to seek out partners who are emotionally available, or do you find yourself attracted to those who are distant or aloof? Do you struggle with trust or communication in your relationships?
2. Practice self-awareness: Pay attention to your thoughts
3. Learn more about your attachment style: Research shows that just by becoming more aware of your attachment style can lead to change. This means improved and more fulfilling relationships.

If you have struggled with your attachment in relationship and are ready for some deeper one on one work, get started now in therapy with our trusted therapists.